while i'm sleeping

via here

As a child I spent many nights sleeping in the middle of my parents.  I soon began to get older, bigger... So my mom would make me sleep on their floor.  But I didn't care.  I just wanted to be sleeping with people near me.  

I have never been able to sleep well.  Whether that was from nightmares, anxieties rolling through my head, or creative ideas.  But the nightmares were what caused me to run to my parents room, tap on my sleeping mothers shoulder, and quietly sobbing ask, "Can I sleep in your bed?"  As I have gotten older, I have of course learned to deal with them better and just go back to sleep, but for some reason so many of these nightmares feel SO real to me.  So real that it would emotionally effect me the next day as if the nightmare had really taken place.  

Well, finally the nightmares went away.  For a few short years I didn't remember much of anything that happened in my sleep.  That is until lately.  I have been waking up in the middle of the night with horrible nightmares and then I instantly get online to see what the meaning of that dream is.  

All I can say is that I am so happy I don't have to just try and fall back asleep on my own anymore.  I get to turn to my sweet husband, and as soon as i feel him near my side all of my scared emotions vanish.

And sometimes I get really awesome dreams.  Like I am in a show again in High School and we are doing all the dance moves and in my dream every move is right and correct as to what it was in real life five years ago.   But somehow when I am awake I couldn't give you eight counts of any dance in high school.  Our minds are strange things... Remembering things in our sleep that we can't when we are awake, foreseeing things in the future, getting messages and answers to our prayers...

Do you guys ever have strange dreams or nightmares that feel SO REAL? Dreams are a crazy thing... sometimes I love em, sometimes I hate em.  I just hope I have a happy, bubbly, hopeful one tonight..

time...

via etsy

It's strange how time seems to pass before my eyes as I look back and reminisce my life.  Each week seems to go faster and faster, and when I stop and think about that I take in that moment to enjoy my life right then and there.

I have spent my life wishing I were living in my future life. I remember being in high school spending many weekends crying to my parents.  Just wishing I could be in college already, living my dreams.  I remember dating Jordan and just wishing I could already be married to him, just to know he was mine forever.
I finally realized about a year ago that I was wishing my life away.  I look back now and would happily go back to High School, when life was simpler and so much fun.  And I would easily go back to dating Jordan.  Every time we drive past his old apartment we talk about how fun it would be to just go walk in and pretend we were dating again.  To just sit on the green couch, slip a movie in, and kiss.  And then we laugh at the thought that the life of that couch has spent more minutes with couples kissing on it, than sitting on it.
But then I have to stop myself from wishing I could go back , because once again I am wishing my life away.

So, this year I have been trying to not spend my life thinking about the day I can finally have a sweet baby, or wishing I were still in High School....  I am going to enjoy my life at the present moment, because my life right now is really so good.
As I have spent these past few weeks just enjoying each day, I have found myself to be a much happier person and so much more thankful for the simple things in life.
Everyday I get to wake up next to the love of my life, and go to school learning to become better at what I love.  I dance all day long and get to have voice lessons from the best teacher in Utah.  And in my spare time I get to be a hair stylist and make people feel good about themselves.
My life is truly amazing.  And I am so grateful that it has turned out to be the life God had planned for me, and not the life I had planned for me.  Because this life is far better.  I am hopeful for my future, happy about my past, and joyous about the present.