Future littles

Dear future littles,

My mind has drifted to thoughts of you much more often lately.  It leaves me with an anxious, excited and curious heart.  Anxious because I live for the day when I will be able to be your mother and learn and grow from you.  To smell your sweet baby scent, give you baths, feed you, read to you, sing you lullabies, tuck you in bed, make you cookies, make forts and Lego towers. Excited to put a face to your sweet spirits that I so often feel around me.  And curious about the kind of human beings you will all become.

Your dad and I dream about all of you.  We talk about what your names will be, who will have my personality, your dads, or a perfect mix. Talking about you is the one thing that relaxes me at the end of the day while laying in bed trying to sleep.  I turn to your dad and we talk forever about all of you and how excited we are to be parents.  I sit here typing with tears rolling down my cheeks and a smile on my face because I am so happy to someday call you mine.

I have a very hard time distinguishing my wants with Gods wants.  And that makes me worry sometimes.  I worry about when the right time is for me to bring your spirits to this earth.  So I pray all the time.  Not just to know when that time is, but I also pray that the environment you are brought into is a good one.  That your dad and I, and your loved ones will be ready to be good examples to you so that you can grow to possess all the potential that lies with in you. I know that I have a long ways to go before I am the future mother that I want to be.  But I promise each of you that starting today, I will dedicate the rest of my life to be the best mother I can possibly be so that someday when you are teenagers or adults and are feeling lost in the world, you will always know that your anchor is at home.  That your dad and I would do anything in the world to make you happy.

So, until that day when I get to hold you all in my arms and kiss your sticky sweet cheeks, I will work on being a more patient, less stubborn, selfless person.  That I will work harder on growing a strong testimony and being confident and happy with myself.  And while I work on these and many more things, my heart will be peaceful and happy knowing that you are all living with our Heavenly Father right now.  But promise me one thing.  Promise me that all of you will become best friends with Christ and God while you are there, hug them and learn from their examples (I envy that you live in their presence) because once you are on this earth, those relationships are what will make you happiest in life.

with all the love in my heart,
mom

photo via we heart it

Singin' in the rain...

Everyday in my Choreographic styles class we have a "mock audition".  Two people from the class are assigned a choreographer, give a presentation on that choreographer, teach one minute of that choreographers choreography and then we have to do that dance for them in pairs while they grade us.  Just like an audition for a show.  Well, today was Gene Kelly, and let me tell you, it was FUN!

It's days like today when I am reminded why I love what I do.  I did my hair in finger waves and showed up with a smile on my face so excited to tap and take myself into the golden age era.  

And right after, I got to go and learn a dance to "Bushel and a Peck" from Guys and Dolls for my Musical Scene Study class.  First of all I absolutely adore this song.  My sweet late grandmother sang it to my dad as a boy, and my dad to me as a little girl.  So the song has a lot of sentimental value to me and my crazy musical theatre soul.  

I am so grateful for this education that I am receiving.  For the things I am learning and growing from.  Some days are so hard and draining, but its days like today that really make it all worth it.  And I no longer care about the looks I receive from others in the  major when they are told that my goal in life is to not be on Broadway.  I totally respect, love and admire those who do have that goal and let nothing hold them back.  And sometimes I wish I had that respect from them as well.  My calling in life is first and for most to be a mother, I know it with all my heart.  And I have finally realized that that's not just a decision I made for myself, but one God made for me as well.  I feel it so deeply in my soul that being a mother and completely devoting myself to that is what will make me the happiest.  And because it is a decision God helped me make, I have no right feeling like less of a person for the decision.  So why is it that I am receiving an education in something that is training me to audition for just that, Broadway shows?  Well I have asked myself the same thing, and two years ago I quit MDT...planned on never returning, got my cosmetology license  and while being gone for that long from it I was able to have a clear mind and pray a lot about it.  I missed it so much and I finally realized (with some help from Jordan and Heavenly Father) that BYU's MDT program is not made to just train people for Broadway.  It's for people to improve the talents that God gave them so that they can use those talents to bless the lives of others.  And that is exactly what I plan on doing.

So I plan to hold my head high with confidence in my life and MY decisions, and dance in the rain. I can already see that rain fading away.