Unknown path

Lately I have felt somewhat lost and uncertain of how to get to where I want in life, simply because I finally realized I had to choose a path for my life. The scary part is not knowing if I will end up at that destination I choose. Will my decision be a detour just to teach me lessons in life and will that choice become a regret?

At this time in life especially, people have to take big leaps of faith and step into the dark trusting that what happens is for the best.

I recently read an amazing talk given at the LDS General Young Women Meeting titled, "Your Happily Ever After". Dieter F Uchtdorf explains that Heavenly Father has created a map for us, He knows the way, He is our beloved Father who seeks our good and happiness. The map is available to all. All you have to do is trust your Heavenly Father. Trust him enough to follow his plan.

So, after a lot of prayer, I realized that what I wanted for my future was not on the map that my Heavenly Father has for me. I finally trust that I will be a happier person doing what I know he wants me to do with my life. All I want in life is to do everything I can to make the people around me happy, and make a difference in their lives. I have decided to change my Major so that when I graduate I will be able to teach children, and make that difference. I feel a lot of comfort with my decision and am ready to take a step in the dark.

I am grateful that I have supportive friends and family. I know they are all here holding my hand as I take this step in my life and I wouldn't be able to do it with out them.

Sometimes the Lord has unimaginably better plans for your life than you could have ever predicted. I am happier than ever right now in my life, and a few months ago I never would have even imagined a human could feel this much happiness.

Yes, life is full of extremely hard obstacles (I know I have been there, and I know there are plenty more ahead of me). But, there are so many great things in life that make the hard times bare-able. This week I am challenging myself to focus on what I am grateful for in my life.

I am grateful for:

1. My parents. Their love, support, talents, and patience

2.My siblings. Nobody can make me laugh like my brothers. Their artistic and musical talents are unbelievable. I often feel unworthy to be in my family. And I love my sister more than she will ever know.

3. My best friends old and new). Tawni. Syd. Kate. Megan. Zach. Jordan.

4.My amazing new roommates.

5.The Gospel.

6.The police man that let me out of a ticket yesterday.

7.The beautiful flowers. mountains. trees. and nature in general.

8.The tandem bike that entertained Jord and I yesterday.

9.My grandparents. They are so giving, loving, and strong (even when ill. I found out yesterday my grandpa has cancer. I can't imagine life without his spirit. Pray for him.)

10.Disney movies.

11.Music. Guitar. Piano. etc..

12.Art. design. Handmade jewelry.

13.Photographs that capture great moments for memories.

14. Chocolate.

15.Laundry detergent.

16. Fruit.strawberries. pineapple. Mango. pomegranate.

17.Sunshine.

18.Books.

19.sleep.

20. my doggie. Even though he is gone, I often think about him. I still love him and am grateful for him.

This list could go on and on. What an amazing life I have been blessed with! We don't always know what it is around the bend in the road, but we know its whats best.

Anthro. does it for me again

Ok, lets talk about the picture at the top...

Nothing would make me happier than that hammock/seat.

Don't you think? I good book, a glass of raspberry lemonade, and that seat.

Sounds like bliss to me!

Whoever invented that for Anthro. is quite genius.

Life as of Today

Its interesting when you suddenly realize that the choices you are making are leading you into a life you simply do not desire, that the life you yearned for as a teen is no longer valid.

For years growing up I would tell my mom that I was going to be on Broadway, and all those years I worked hard, spending hours at rehearsals when my friends were out having fun, because I knew someday it would all be worth it. Finally, as a Senior in High School I made one of the biggest steps towards that goal, and I made it into the Music Dance Theatre major at Brigham Young University. I was ecstatic and so full of joy. What I didn't realize, was that all the hard work was not behind me, but soon to be endured. So, I went through the first semester of college and became an entirely different person because of the anxiety within the major. Many times I contemplated quiting, and switching to another major in hopes of finding the girl I used to be, the happy me. But, I would never be able to find me again, because quitting something is not me. I went into the second semester with a new attitude, and the smile came back. I was finally happy again, because I chose to be. I continued to pray to know if it was still the right major for me to be in, and received no answer. But, today things took a big turn.

I am now seriously considering switching into the Early Childhood Education Major, which means I would teach Preschool, first, second, or third grade. I know what you're thinking, completely different right? I know. I spent a while considering many other Majors like Nursing (too competitive), Fine Art(i might as well stay in MDT), Psychology(not too sure I could handle listening to peoples problems all day), Early Childhood Development(I love kids, not too competitive, and I can see myself really happy doing this).

But, then my mind goes back and forth. And then all the tears come, because after years of knowing without a doubt of what I was going to do, I now have no idea. I am scared and worried. So I think, "Maybe your just in a rough spot with MDT right now, keep going, get better at it, then see what you want to do." But then I think, "Ok, so I stay in the Major, I work super hard, and I get really good....alright....then what??? I am just really good at something. Because I no longer desire to move to NYC or LA to become some star. All I really want is to raise a family, and maybe sometimes do a show at the Hale. But, I don't have to major in MDT to do community theatre, I can just keep taking voice lessons and things would be fine. I would rather sit in a cafe playing my guitar and singing a beautiful but simple song anyways." But, then I always think about, "'What if I need to earn money to raise a family, or help provide money for my family, then I need an actual career." And thats when becoming a teacher fits in perfectly. And I know that I wouldn't be quitting, just choosing a different path for my life.

So, as of right now, I am weighing and contemplating the pro's and con's of each decision. I am no longer going to worry about it, but trust the Lord and continue praying about it. It's weird how your life can take a big turn when you least expected. Simply by my realization that in the end it doesn't matter how many big roles or solos you had in your life, but the difference you made in the lives of those around you. For me, I want to be mom who is there for her children, a mom that has the time to sit down and do a paint by numbers with them. I don't want to be living in New York coming home to an empty apartment.

Any thoughts?

Love

Love:

The subject that keeps my roommate and I up way past our bedtime.

A Strong affection for someone or something.

The willingness to do anything for someone simply for their happiness.

An act of selflessness.

A smile because someone mentions their name.

Time rushing by when you're with that someone.

Unconditional.

Crazy.

Unexplainable.

Unpredible.

Incredible.

Love is what makes life worthwhile.

I can't wait until I can wake up every day happy because the man of my dreams, who I will be with for Eternity, is sleeping right next to me. Sometimes I wish I could just know when that is going to be, I wish I could look into the future and know who he is. It could be in 2 years, and it could even be in 10. But, then I wish that wish away, because the search and the journey towards finding that person can be so exciting, scary, but exciting…and so worth it.

"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him?Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried...you haven't lived."

-William Parish

Photos by: Gabriel Ryan