...

itty bitty

2011-11-10T10:53:00.000-08:00

Monday morning I awoke so extremely excited for the evening. All day long I counted down the hours to when I would get to hold a little baby for two hours!!!

I have never babysat a newborn baby before. Only children who like to play "beat the babysitter" and "hide and seek" all day long! And holding that baby was like holding a piece of heaven. I just stared at him the whole time, enveloped in his every move. What a beautiful thing it is. To carry your child inside your belly for 9 months. To be one. And even greater than that... You get to raise that child. That human being that is a part of you and the Mr you love so dearly.

There is nothing I look forward to more than the days when I get to raise those children of mine and my Mr. Make them sandwiches, play hide and go seek with them, teach them how to treat others and themselves, watch them open presents on Christmas morning, watch them become a member of the church, care for them when they cry, share with them the amazingness of an egg mcmuffin, and so much more.

I think too much of that day. Of that day when I get to raise children. Every time I start thinking about it, I have to tell myself, NO, not yet. I have to... GET to, enjoy the time I have right now with my sweet husband. Where its just the two of us. Establish us, and then bring children to this world. So then I just think about what I can do now for those future children. I think about if they can watch us from the pre existence. If they can choose us, and see how we are living our lives. That's when I decide I better darn well be living in a way that I would want them to be living some day. Because if they are watching me, I am setting an example. Some days its really not a good example. But, I am trying!

I think a good way for me to start living a better life and to prepare for children is to start serving others more. I love this quote:

“I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails.

I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp.

I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children.

I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden.

I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder.

I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived.”

― Marjorie Pay Hinckley

2011-10-17T11:34:00.000-07:00

life has been oh so good.

I am thriving off of everything fall. Making pumpkin cookies... and eating all of them. Carving pumpkins. Coming home after a long day and lighting a pumpkin candle. But none of it would be as good without my Mr. I love sharing my life with another person. I don't know how I survived such a lonely life before. Experiencing everything life has to give me is a million times better when you have someone to share those experiences with.

I have missed dancing and performing so much lately. Without really saying that, I think Jordan has picked up on it. So, he surprised me with a date on Saturday night to go and see Thriller. Oh how I longed to be on that stage with all of them. It was soooo good.

Being back on campus this semester has been swell. I complain about doing my homework, and about waking up for our 8 am classes... But I truly am so happy to be back in school. I love what I am learning and I love that whenever I don't understand something, Jordan is always there to help me. Not only to help me learn the subject matter, but to also love it and enjoy it. He is so very optimistic and full of life.

Decorating our home has been so enjoyable for me... It's still in the process. School, the salon, and cooking have consumed my life. But, I find moments here and there to make a wreath, or figure out what curtains I want.

I hope your life is going well too.

Of course not everything is perfect.. but this month I have been trying to find the little things in life that make it so wonderful.

Read this.

love,

hailey

center street.

2011-10-06T09:37:00.000-07:00

Life on center has been wonderful thus far...

We never have to say good bye at night.

We have a rooster for a neighbor.. and it is my own personal alarm. It cockadoodledoos early in the morning.. its awesome.

We love listening to the crickets at night.

Life is so good when its a we rather than an I...

I have a ring on my left hand...

2011-09-26T21:14:00.000-07:00

.. not just one, but two... and both are on one special finger.

This means I am no longer just engaged... but married.

I am a married women as of August 8th 2011.

It's the best thing in the world... Well, being married to Jordan is the best thing in the world.

I picked him up from school today and as I saw him walking towards the car in his yellow 70's shirt, I sighed. I sighed because he looked so handsome. I smiled as he got in the car, and he kissed me and told me he loved me. Right then and there I knew for sure that I was/am the luckiest girl in the world.

I haven't been blogging the past few months due to busyness and lots of loving, hugging, and kissing being done. But its time to return to recording all the loveliness in our lives.

Here are some snippets from our wedding...

2011-07-17T11:12:00.000-07:00

This week has been wonderful!!!

We got all the announcements sent out..

We got our apartment..

And I had my first shower... and let me tell you...I was showered with so much love!

Jordan and I were SHOCKED at the amazing things people got us.

These are among them..

Amazing right?

We have three weeks left of looking at our countdown every 5 hours! :)

We can't wait for our glorious day.. but especially for the day after the wedding!!!

It will be nice to relax for a few weeks on our own.

the life of an engaged women

2011-07-09T11:07:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks have been absolutely incredible!!!

My whole life I have been excited to go register for gifts as a couple... I know it's what most people dread, but I always oooooed and awwwwwwwed at the couples walking up and down the stores holding hands while the man drug his feet only to be entertained by the scanning gun. It just looked like so much fun.

Before we left people told us not to register for things we don't need, to not get carried away scanning things we could possibly get from the wedding and later say, "why the heck did we register for this?" And before we got started the worker gave us one piece of advice, not to fight.

So we began... And I made Jordan scan everything I saw that I thought was... in his words "cute."

It started with a mini strainer that was metal... it came in red, blue, and green..

"oh my gosh these are sooo cute!!! can we get these?"

Jordan- "you only think they are cute because they are little. Would you ever use them?"

"no, but I want them."

He scanned the item....

the rest of the day continued with me telling him what to scan and him just giving me a look like (do you really need this?) and scanning anyways!

Isn't he great?

This week Jordan has spent HOURS online trying to find apartments for us to look at... the search began. And all the apartments were old. Not cool old. yucky old. gross. smelly old. Our last day of looking was very successful though... We LOVED one of them.. It was the only one big enough to fit two people inside without suffocating! We applied, and are now waiting...

Oh... and we got our engagements.

My 3 month absence..

2011-06-27T18:14:00.000-07:00

The past 3 months have been CRAZY busy. They have consisted of work, more work, and planning an unofficial secret wedding. After a year an a half of dating... And booking the temple, ordering decorations and bridesmaid clothing ...while there was yet to be a ring on my finger, I am now officially

ENGAGED!!! To this handsome man...

I was completely surprised that it happened that night and was beyond happy..

Long story short, i have always been in love with Ferris wheels and for a year we have been trying to plan out being on the Ferris wheel during the fireworks at the Orem summerfest carnival.. After lots of craziness, he ended up proposing on the Ferris wheel...during the fireworks finale.

I love the story.

I love my ring.

and I LOVE my boy!!!

Our date is August 8th and we will be married in the Salt Lake Temple...

What a peaceful feeling it is, to know that I get to spend the rest of eternity with my very best friend! There's not a person in the world I would rather enter the temple with!

I am so excited for this lovely to be passed on from generation to generation...

I get all giddy inside every time I get a glance of it.

I can't wait to post about the planning of the wedding. But mostly, I am ecstatic to delve into my new life as a newlywed!

So if this blog turns into a wedding blog for the next 6 weeks, I apologize. But at least I will be posting :)

Hailey's season of bliss

2011-04-02T23:17:00.000-07:00

I am loving spring and everything that comes along with it:

rain

windows wide open during naps for fresh air

conference

flowers

buying new swimsuits and sandals

( I am in love with these lovelies from anthro.)

Weddings

Vacations

Hiking the lush, newly green mountains

Picnics

The canyon breeze

rock climbing after a long winter

Spring skiing in a tshirt

and people going from low lights to blonde highlights

life is good.

Elizabeth.

2011-03-23T14:50:00.000-07:00

Rest in peace Elizabeth Taylor. You will forever be remembered.

happy.

2011-03-21T21:49:00.000-07:00

I am smiling right now at the thought of waking up in the morning.

Not because its is Christmas, or that I am traveling somewhere exciting... but because I am happy and ready to soak in all the simple everyday pleasures that await the morning and the day and evening that follow it. Tomorrow will consist of pleasures that God gives me nearly everyday, ones I am use to and am grateful for. Like...(to give you a snap shot in your head of my typical day.)

*Wake up early and make my bed. (Most people don't do this because they don't understand why they would make their bed if they were to just sleep in it that night... and no, I don't like making my bed, but i LOVE sleeping in a bed that was made that day. Everything clings tighter to your body, and the sheets feel clean and crisp. I get lots of excitement from the thought of going to sleep in a welcoming bed like that. So it makes the making it all worth it.)

*15 Minutes of spiritual/meditation (call it what you want) time. (To be honest, this is truly what makes the difference of whether I am happy or not. It helps me recognize the beauty of life and love.

*Exercise... I am not, nor have I ever been a runner. But, I want to be. I am making a goal to do a 5K this summer, and then start going up in distance from there. My favorite exercise though (besides dance of course) is Yoga... Yoga is my choice of exercise. FOR SURE!!! It is so relaxing, and nothing makes me feel better than finishing a hard Yoga class. (And does Salt Lake not just have the most awesome Yoga places? This morning I was at a color class and while walking in I saw this cute Yoga studio. And to go off on a tangent... I am loving Salt Lake as of late. The area where the color class was, was so cute... Tons of old, fixed up, cute houses, and tons of shops, spas, salons, bakeries, and yes the yoga studio. There were oodles of attractive young granola couples walking their dogs around too... I felt like I was in a different state.)

*Take a hot shower and use a delicious smelling body wash. A yummy smelling aroma makes a good start for the day.

*Turn on some Good Old War or Joshua Radin... and get ready for the day.

* Practice voice and/or piano.

*Arrive at the adorable Studio 210 that's covered in Ivy... Do some hair... Its art, SIMPLE chemistry, and psychology mixed into one profession. I love it.

*Receive a call from J. These are always short because this is how it goes... ALWAYS THE SAME PHONE CALL!!!

Me: (see the call is from him, pick it up with a smile on my face)

(In a high pitched excited tone because HE is calling Me.) JORDAN!!!

J: (A small chuckle) Hey!!! (small chuckle again)

Me: What doin?

J: Just got back from school. Wanna come over?

Me: Yep. I will see you in a few minutes.

J: k

Me: Love you, bye.

J: Love you, bye.

Then we spend the rest of the evening together.. Cooking, watching Lost, homework, reading, whatever will tickle our fancy for the night. We are just best friends that on good days exchange "Gosh, I like you lots." expressions.

*Arrive home to my nicely made, warm bed.

*read a bit.

*Pray. (because I have lots to thank God for.)

*sleep.

And some days I don't stick with the regular schedule... Those days are even more exciting. Like going skiing, visiting my grandparents, or .... (You fill in the blank, you are all humans, you know all the fun and exciting things that come with life.)

Today I had some excitement slip into my day... I went to Cafe Rio and ate a chicken salad and satisfied my long waited craving. Spent awhile in Planted Earth (my favorite antique store) with my mom who bought me an antique turquoise ring...I needed a new one. And decided on my new major.... Shocking I know, I have been known to change my mind a lot lately when it comes to life plans.

Last night J and I were talking. We decided that I miss BYU... that I love doing hair, will continue doing it, and will have it for my career... but, if I don't work on getting my degree now, I never will. And I will regret it. I told him I needed to just choose a major and choose to stick with it this time. He very much so agreed. He told me he would help me write out my schedule, and told me to not stress about it. To choose something I will love, pray about it, and discuss it with him... Right now, I am thinking Family life. I will just take one class each semester until I have finished hair school, and then continue full time.

I feel more at peace than I have in years.

So, today was a good day. And I am excited for what tomorrow holds.

things i love right this second...

2011-03-07T23:42:00.001-08:00

LOVE

Fortune cookie coin purses.

Floral cakes

ADORABLE shoes.

I want these for a future child.

Keri Russell

Beautiful Wilcox home.

2011-03-07T12:17:00.001-08:00

A late ode to"the boy".

2011-03-06T10:18:00.000-08:00

The blog has been slightly neglected as I have spent the past month on cloud nine.

February was full of love, as it should be. And it kept me....busy. So lets go back in time for a moment.. When February 11th came around, I was ecstatic to relive the blind date I went on a year ago from that exact date. Yes, Jordan and I met for the first time on our first date... Let me expound.

Jordan had recently returned from serving a mission for the LDS church in Mexico city for two years. So, his Spanish was fluent. Well, a little elementary school a few minutes away from his new apartment was in need of volunteers that could come and translate for parent teacher conferences... the elementary school my mother works at. Little did Jordan know that his choice to go volunteer for a few hours at an elementary school would completely change his life and mine.

While walking down the hall my mom saw him out of the corner of her eye and had a sudden and strong feeling to approach him. As she describes it, there were girls and women swarming him. But, Nettie being the way she is, didn't think twice about it. She approached him and said, "You look just like my daughters type! You have to ask her on a date, you would love her." As anyone would be, Jordan was a bit sceptical... I mean what mother would fawn her daughter off to a guy.. She could tell he was a little unsure and so she dragged him to her class room where she proceeded to show him pictures of me and even my blog. Jordan left that night with numbers for four different girls... thankfully mine was in the mix.

A few hours later my mom came into my room and sat next to me on my bed where I was reading. Excited and happy, she began telling me how she met THE CUTEST boy, and gave him my number. I admit, I was mad. She understood that I didn't want to date, let alone go on blind date... I was bitter, and rude about it until she told me he had dimples. I was still mad, but that fact definitely softened it.

A few days later I got a phone call. We were to meet on the 11th in the BYU library and then go out for dinner.

The 11th came around. I walked into the library and could see a boy smiling, and he had dimples. I knew it was him. I walked straight to him and said, "are you Jordan?" He said yes and gave me a hug, and right off the bat things were comfortable with us. I felt like I had known him for years. We walked out of the library and he turned to me and said, "let's not make this awkward, ok?"

We went and ate at Zupas where we took our time eating yummy turkey bacon avocado sandwiches slowly. Partly to not be messy, but mostly to make the date last longer. He was easy to talk to and conversation was constant.

While dropping me off, he asked me on a second date which I happily accepted. I got inside my house, ran up to my moms room, looked at her and said, "I love you. He's perfect." And that he is!

February this year was amazing...lots of dates, and lots of flowers, and lots of time with my boy!

I have enjoyed getting know my mister and his amazing family. I don't think there is a boy in the world who treats his girlfriend, mother, and sisters with as much respect and love as he does. He would do anything for the girls in his life.

I laid in bed last night with my mom telling her how sweet he is, how he makes me feel protected and how much I love him. And how much I love being around his family. There is never a dull moment in the Mabey household.

I have always lived my life listening to people say, "love isn't the way it is in the movies." Assuming they meant it would never be as great and exciting. But, I realized after meeting Jord, that people are right. It's not as good as it is in the movies, it's better!!!

Pretty little pics 1

2011-02-20T18:34:00.000-08:00

Pretty pictures I have come across this week. Enjoy!!!

1. pretty floral bike and sunset.

2. Pretty garden and gate.

3.Pretty little letters and bow.

4. Pretty VW pretty love.

5. Pretty tree and pretty building.

Photos: weheartit

6. Pretty outside nook and pretty pillows.

Photo: Verhex

7. Pretty scene.

Photo: dimitri caceaune.

8. Pretty buttons.

Picture: craftyangel

2011-02-02T11:03:00.000-08:00

Photo coutesy of "from my bookshelf" on etsy.

Lately I have been trying to not have regrets. To not let myself wish I could go back and make different decisions than the ones I have made. Obviously there are decisions that were probably not the best ones, but those sometimes were the important ones... the ones that I learned from. I often get dramatically carried away into the hard decisions I am going to make in life.... mapping out outcomes and thinking of every possible consequence that will happen through my decision. I then try and decide what to do based on whether I would be able to handle the consequences or not.

But, it's comforting and easier to make decisions when I know that life will be good no matter what.... that if I choose what I shouldn't have chosen, the consequence may be hard at the time, but with time it becomes easier to deal with and ultimately something that I learned a valuable life lesson from.

AND Sometimes it's things that happen in life that were never really a decision of mine, but someone else's that I wish they hadn't made. People's decisions almost ALWAYS affect those around them.

For example: I sit here listening to my dad and Jordan playing the guitar together and feel a happiness and peace with the way my life has turned out thus far. I look back to when I was a sixteen year old girl crying for hours in bed because a boy broke up with me. I remember my mom saying what everybody hates hearing when they are dumped. "Hailey, there are plenty of fish in the sea, and trust me, you will find a better fish." I remember rolling my eyes and thinking, "I don't want anybody else." If I would have trusted her, or known that in the future I would have met someone like Jordan, then my heartache at that moment in time would have been pretty much nothing.

My life has turned out better than I ever thought it would. Better than I could have ever imagined.

So I have tried... tried to stop making things harder for myself than they have to be. I have stopped listening to what people around me tell me to do, and what my mind tells me to do...Because my mind thinks too much and makes webs of thoughts.

I try to do what the church says to do... SIMPLIFY!!!! I simplify my thoughts without being so gosh darn analytical, make a decision, go to the Lord about it, and ACT upon it.

Because there is no use in going back to yesterday... cause today I am a different person because of yesterday. And when I get all caught up in decisions, I begin living in the yesterday, because those decisions should have been made then.

It is in moments like this when I realize the faith and trust I have in the Lord with my future and my life. For years I have worried and hoped for a certain future, but the Lord knew better than me what would really make me happy. And here I am happier than I ever thought possible because I trusted what the Lord threw at me and went with it. I am trying a lot harder this year to exercise that faith and stop worrying about what will happen in my future. because I know it will be glorious.

Lets stop living in yesterday and tomorrow.

We Are the World.

2011-02-01T15:42:00.000-08:00

I look up to people like this. I always tell myself, "Someday I will be like that. Selfless, caring, and dedicating my life to making others happier." But, I need to stop saying someday and just start. I would absolutely love to just go and live in another country for a year and just give... But until I can afford that, I am going to try my best to help the thousand of people here in Utah that are less fortunate than me. They go so unnoticed.

My mother works at an elementary school where more than half of the kids are in poverty and worry everyday whether they will come home to their parents home or in jail. I spend just a small amount of time with these kids each week giving service, and the small three hours a week makes such a large difference. For them to have somebody they can look up to and love is all they need.

I know a lot of people who disliked Michael Jackson. And yes, there may have been some things he did that were not good decisions, but I like to try and focus on the good that people did in their lives... I loved Michael Jackson. Not just because of his music, but because he was so into making this earth a better place.

I have shared this video on here before.... but I thought it deserved another post. :)

What is life all about.?.

My new music obsession!!!

2011-01-31T21:06:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago Jordan and I went and saw Guster in concert. It was fabulous... But, what I really loved was their opening band... Good Old War. Just listen to their beautifulness.

It makes me want it to be spring so I can go on a picnic along with a portable record player, the love of my life, and jars to catch lightning bugs.

Sewing.

2011-01-26T19:57:00.000-08:00

Just the other day I took a simple cardigan purchased from the local Savers and sewed some lace onto the middle edge to add some umph.

. Cute. Simple. Cheap.

Green monster

2011-01-24T22:05:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking a lot lately about the fact that nobody has a perfect life, that anybody who wishes they were somebody else obviously doesn't know that somebody else so well. Everyone is to blame for feeling that small green monster inside whether its a passing thought of, "gosh, I wish I had tan skin like that", as a tall, skinny, tan gorgeous girl walks past you as she works it in her designer 4 inch heels. Or, saying to our best friend, "No wonder (insert name of a women down the street) is always so happy. Her husband is a beautiful picture perfect ken, they have loads of money and there kids are bLAHA BLAH blah BLAH blah!!!!"

Well guess what? Peoples lives are not what they always seem to be on the surface. Not that people pretend to be something different, some people just choose to be happy even if they wake up and crawl out of bed with their messy bed head and swollen eyes from crying the night before.

When I was in high school I would often time hear girls say things about me like, "she is annoyingly happy all the time." Well, girls I apologize for wanting to make the best of my life whether the day sucks or not. Do I make my life sound better than it is sometimes? No, words can't explain the amazing blessings I have received in my life. Do I not talk about my problems I have in life? Ya know, sometimes I do... Sometimes I call up my friends and vent for annoyingly long periods of times. But, there are a lot of things about my life that are scabs I don't like to pick at and make bleed all over again. Most hard problems I have had in life only my closest friends know the details about, and a lot of my problems only my family know about. But, I don't see that as me being fake. I see it as trials that the Lord has given me and lots of times those are sacred and personal to me and the fact that I don't walk around constantly sulking about them doesn't mean I pretend.

For the most part I feel like this blog has been somewhat real.

First of all, yes... I am loving my new job. I get to go into a cute house that was turned into a salon full of beautiful, real, and kind girls everyday. I know with all my heart that I made the right decision for me in my life at this moment. Is it perfect? no! Do I miss BYU? with all my heart. Will I go back? well right now my goal is to finish getting my cosmetology license... and after that I am not planning on what I will do, because like I have learned, God's plans don't always fit with ours. Why exactly did I choose to get my hair license? because the two majors I would want to do are not practical. Doing hair is a great job, knowing I will have something I can support myself with will help me choose a major I truly want to do because I love it... not because of money. And I need time to decide what that is.

Second, yes... I am dating an amazing boy!!! The two of us have been dating for almost a year. I know I always make our relationship sound perfect, and as all sensible people know, it's not perfect. I love the boy with all my heart and often feel unworthy to be his girlfriend. Why he chose me? I do not know. We have an amazing relationship and show each other nearly everyday how much we care for each other. But, once a relationship gets past the oblivious lovey dovey first 6 months stage love becomes a choice. We have gone through some rough spots, but we CHOOSE to stay with each other and because of that we grow closer each time we make that choice.

So, girls... love and embrace your life. don't expect it to be perfect. don't wish it different. and make the best out of the worst. And don't be so hard on the boys in your lives. Find a boy who you trust, one who can dissolve a horrible day by a simple hug, one who looks at you like you are the world, and one who lets you cry with out complaining about it...and hold on to him with all your heart, and return it all to him.

My first day

2011-01-04T11:10:00.001-08:00

Hello all!!!

Yesterday was my first day at the hair salon... and can I just say one word HALLELUJAH!!!

After knowing MDT was not right for me I spent nearly a year trying to think of what I would want to do. And I am crazy in love already. Jaime, the hairstylist I apprentice for, is amazing! You would think standing on your feet for eleven hours helping fix people hair would stink! But, I really loved it... And when Jaime told me she doesn't come in on Tuesdays, and that I would have that day off, I was sad... Sad that I was not returning to work the next day. That's when I knew that I really found what I want to do. Yes, all the hair doings and reading of the text book interests me, but what I really love is that people come in and you talk to each other for two hours while you do their hair. So basically all day you just make friends... It's perfect for me. I am so excited to go on this journey. I feel so spoiled and lucky that this is school for me!

Now, I don't want to make it sound like all roses and smiley faces, it is tiring and a lot of work...but when the hard work is for something you enjoy..... well then I guess it is all roses and smiley faces.

A New Year!!!

2011-01-02T17:43:00.000-08:00

Today is a new year! I am going to be very open in this blog post as one of my resolutions is to not be afraid to be me.

This past year has been an unimaginably amazing adventure. I was blindsided with so many unexpected plans the Lord had for me for my life. As I have reflected back on everything, my eyes have been opened to see that where I am in life right now is better than anything I could have imagined for myself.

If you were to have asked me a year ago what my plans for life were, I would have said with out hesitation, "to become a Broadway star!!!" Nothing in life made me happier than performing, and I was bound and determined to have a happy life doing just that. Of course as a girl I have always wanted a family... but I figured that would just come years after. And then I fell in love.

This time it wasn't that "High-school, why not date him...there is nobody at the school who quite tickles my fancy like him." kind of love. This time was far different... I never knew somebody could feel this way for another person. And I was (still am) convinced that nobody in the world has ever felt for someone like I do for him! :)

The two of us were not looking for a serious relationship, but were set up on a blind date by my mother in February. I thought he was the most perfect human being and loved spending time with him... I was super clueless and didn't realize that I was in love with this him because it all went so fast. I realized one day in March while dancing and kissing in the snow that I was in a lot of trouble... that this was the real thing.

My hopes and dreams for the future changed that day. I finally came to my senses and realized how much more important relationships and family are than getting into a Broadway show. And now all I can think about is someday being a wife and mother. Nothing makes me smile like the thought of these amazing spirit children in heaven that will someday be mine!

Because I no longer have the same goals for my life as I once did, I decided to no longer major in Music Dance Theatre. Do I love performing, YES. But this major is no longer practical for me in my life right now. I spent along time exploring other majors and praying my little heart out to find one that would fit me. I never felt a peace about any of them... That is when I came across a wonderful opportunity for me.

A hairstylist was looking for someone to apprentice her... I went in for an interview, learned about what I would have to do to get my license, and was certain this was for me. She called me a few weeks later offering the Apprenticeship to me!!! Many people think I am crazy, but the people who know me, love me, and are close to me support me 100%. Am I giving up? NO!!! If you know me, you know I am the last person on the earth that would give up on something... but when I find something that interests me, I take it. I start tomorrow and could not be more excited.

What I learned this year:

God knows what will make us happier in life more than us. We must trust in Him with all our hearts.

MY GOALS FOR THE NEW YEAR:

1. Embrace who I truly am, and not be afraid to share that with the world.

2. Enjoy each day with-out wishing the present away.

3. patience.

4. Try to be less sensitive.

5. Don't be afraid to love.

6. Be selfless.

7. Practice guitar everyday.

8. Start running more often.

9. Spend more time with scriptures/prayer/temple/journal.

10. Write my crafty ideas down, and DO THEM!!!

My week!!!

2010-12-18T13:56:00.000-08:00

After a stressful few days of finals...I spent a day with my best friends!

My best friend got married to the love of her life. They are both amazing people and are so lucky to have each other!! They will have a beautiful life and family.

Went to the Kurt Bestor Christmas concert with Jordan and his wonderful family. Kurt Bestor had a guest singer and guess who is was... JASON CASTRO!!! He sang two Christmas songs and his beautiful rendition of Hallelujah.. We then got to meet him.

Went on a date with Jord to one of our favorite restraunts, Olive Garden. Then we went and saw Tangled! It was SOOOO good!!! I am a baby and Jordan caught me crying twice while watching it.

And is my boy just not the most handsome person to ever grace this earth!!!???

Sometimes I wonder how I got so dang lucky to have him. He has a heart of gold and he treats me so well. I always feel like my life could be made into a Disney movie because he has made it so good.

How was your week?

My early morning insight

2010-12-14T08:21:00.000-08:00

This morning I woke up so grateful for the relationships I have in my life. I have these amazing and supportive parents that do everything in their power to make me happy. After a rough night, my dad spent hours talking to me and doing everything in his power to make me happy.

And then I thought about Jordan and how any girl would do anything to have a boyfriend like him. I never knew I could love somebody so much until I met him! Just the thought of getting to see him tonight makes me smile!

What more could someone want in life? I think sometimes I focus too much on what I want that I don't have, rather than what I do have!!! And what I DO have are the most important things on this earth, unimaginable love and relationships.

Sometimes Heavenly Father has to give me trials and let me stumble so that my heart can be humbled.

" 'Seek ....first to build up the kingdom of God' The work of God is to bring to pass the eternal life of His children and all that this entails in the birth, nurturing, teaching, and sealing of our Heavenly Father's children. Everything else is lower in priority... As someone has said, if we do not choose the kingdom of God first, it will make little difference in the long run what we have chosen instead of it."

Thank goodness I have finally begun to mature and now realize that family and friends are far more important than being the best singer in Provo. A year ago I would have told anyone that if I had one wish for my future it would be to be a famous Broadway star. And through trials AND wonderful moments this past year, my one wish would now be to have a loving husband and lots of kids. Heavenly Father has worked hard to make sure my heart and my mind have the right motives and perspective on life!

I have such a blessed life, and I truly love it!

Thanks

2010-11-17T22:35:00.000-08:00

Every morning I wake up and pray, if I have a moment in my day I am struggling with I pray, and at the end of the day I get down on my knees and I thank the Lord for everything I was blessed with that day, including the hard times. He is my very best friend and my love for Him is deeper than any... a love that could never fade. He will always be there for me no matter what, I can trust Him, and He wants what is best for me always. It's that love you have for someone that is indescribable, that when you think about how grateful you are for them, your eyes begin to water.

Because of Christ I can be forgiven for my sins, find comfort in Him, and someday find the love of my life who I will get to spend eternity with because of the atonement. I find happiness and peace in my life through Him and I am grateful for that. Nothing brings light into my life and into my eyes like the thought of Him! So this Thanksgiving I am grateful for Christ and the example of pure love that He sets for each of us today.

OH THE 50'S

2010-11-16T13:47:00.000-08:00

This is an article that was published in the 50's...
I hope it will bring a laugh to your day.

THE GOOD WIVES GUIDE

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
Be happy to see him.
Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.
Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
A good wife always knows her place.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.. Women don't really do this anymore, is that why the divorce rate has shot up???

Now remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours. All you need to do is be a robot, and life will work out. Right?

Perfection

2010-11-16T13:01:00.000-08:00

Perfection is unattainable in this life. So why do we try so hard all the time to be perfect? And when we fail we become so extremely discouraged and mad at ourselves. Must we be so difficult on ourselves? I find myself in this situation quite often, especially lately. So I went to Jordan, my sane and intelligent confidant who told me this...

Jordan: Far too many people try and change everything about them in one day to become perfect.

Me: Well isn't that the whole point of life?

Jordan: Yeah, but you should just be 1% better each day. Find one thing you want to work on, and if you fail, then work on that the next day. People make living far more complicated and harder than in needs to be. Nobody really needs to go and "find themselves" or "create themselves"... You are already you, you have been you for eons. Stop trying to be someone you think people want you to be. Just be you.

Me:But I really don't know me anymore, I don't know who I am, or what I want.

Jordan: Yes you do. Because I know you, and I love who you are.

Me: Sigh...(thinking "you are the best thing to ever happen to my life.")

He is right ya know!! I know exactly who I am and what I want...yes, it may change over time... but for right now thats all that matters. So, each day I will find one thing I can work on and stop expecting myself to be some robot.. who wants that anyways?

What are your feelings on this subject?

2010-11-06T10:25:00.000-07:00

"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”

-Mother Teresa

Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.

- John Ruskin

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.”

Helen Keller

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

-St. Augustine

“The keys to patience are acceptance and faith. Accept things as they are, and look realistically at the world around you. Have faith in yourself and in the direction you have chosen.”

Ralph Marston

Faith is not simply a patience that passively suffers until the storm is past. Rather, it is a spirit that bears things- with resignations, yes, but above all, with blazing, serene hope."

-Corazon Aquino

Photos: weheartit.com

Sometimes I think...

2010-11-03T15:11:00.000-07:00

...that I am way too hard on myself. When it gets to the point where I am more mad at myself than my parents are for doing something wrong, that is when I realize that I really am over acting. For the majority of the time I am a pretty relaxed, easy-going person. But, I have those moments when I let something get to me too much. This morning was just one of those moments...

I was driving to school singing to myself a song I had to sing today in class when in my rear view mirror a police man turned his lights on for me to pull over. Usually when I see this I panic because 1. yes I was speeding and 2. I am going to have to pay a bunch of money, and go to boring traffic school. 3. I was speeding to get to class on campus on time, and now this cop is going to make me embarrassingly late!!! But today, I was calm and relaxed... knowing I wouldn't get a ticket because I wasn't speeding at all. Once I began getting curious as to why he pulled me over, then the panic came. Now, I have always been told to be kind and calm to police men and they will most likely not give you a ticket. Well guess what, they will. So when people tell you to not cry when the cop comes up to the car, don't believe them. I have played the cry card, and it works like a charm!!! Anyways, the cop ends up giving me a ticket...for being to close to the car in front of me.

Can I just say, I was unpleasantly upset while I was walking to my class. I called my mom in a rage.... Now, most parents would be mad, but my mother just calmed me down. Told me that it was nothing to worry about, and we would take care of it. She said to be grateful that I didn't run over a kid, or get in a car wreck and to not waste my time worrying about it for one more minute. So.... I stopped myself from worrying about it. Which I am getting a lot better at then I used to be.

Two things I learned:

Worrying is a waste of time, and will get you nowhere

Sometimes all you need to keep your day from going bad is a simple phone call with mom.

photo: weheartit.com

I am me.

2010-10-25T19:34:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel like something is missing from me, from my brain. Growing up I always knew what I wanted in life. I knew what I loved, what I hated and what I could tolerate. But now "I don't know" seems to be the answer I give myself with every question I have lately. And it's not just decisions like "What food should I order", but questions like "what do I want to do with my life when I graduate?" "when should I think about marriage?" "am I in the right major?" and the list goes on...

I am not sure if it's because I now realize that every little decision I choose, can make the biggest difference to what happens to me in my life, or if somewhere in between ages 8 and 19 I shaped myself into a different person.

Maybe it's a combination of the two... But inside my messy head, I think it's because I have made myself into somebody who doesn't make decisions in life. And I did that because I am a people pleaser. If the people around me aren't happy, than I am not either. So I mold and shape who I am and what I like into what everyone around me wants.

I started conforming back in Junior High when I realized all my friends were changing to become someone that fits in...to become popular. The changing I did was good, for the most part. I became a lot more outgoing, happy, and discovered my love for theatre because a friend begged me to audition for a play with her. So, I am not necessarily saying that being a people pleaser is a bad thing, but it has its limits.

I finally realized that no matter how much I try, I can't always please everyone, and there will be people in the world that dislike me no matter what. Once I realized this, I stepped back and decided that I needed to start making decisions based on what I want in life.

So this week I have been trying to figure that out, and I can't...because I no longer even know what I want. I have gone so long doing things other people want me to do. Ever since I have stepped back to look at myself, I have felt so lost and confused. I feel like half of me is here, in my body, going to classes, doing homework, spending time with friends, going to work.... and the other half of me is lost, gone, far from my reach.

The thing is, I am not scared of my future or the decisions I make anymore, like I used to be. Because I don't know where I will be three years or ten years from now but I do know the most important thing of all, that I am a child of God. I know that He loves me, and has a plan for me, and that is all that matters.

No, I can't get a letter in the mail telling me what to be, and who to marry, and when to marry them. But, I have been given free agency and prayer to choose what I really want, and to know what is best for my life. And if you ask me, that's even better. So my goal for the rest of my life, is to find out what I want and what God wants for me, and fight for those things will all my heart So that when I die, God can hand me a "What happened in Hailey's life" letter, and everything the two of us wanted for me, ended up on that list.

Picture: Melinda Fisher

I loveth...

2010-10-14T15:01:00.001-07:00

things i love as of late...

photos courtesy of: Chapman Interiors, escapade, Dirty Pretty Things

Autumn letters...

2010-10-07T10:57:00.000-07:00

Dear fall rain,

Its ridiculous how much I love you right now... I love you so much that I incessantly talk about you in all my classes... About how beautiful you are, how divine you smell, and even how relaxing the sound of you is. A boy in my acting class looked at me the other day like, "stop talking about the rain you ditz..." But I didn't care because you deserve to be talked about lots.

Dear pops,

I dunno what I would do with out you... You are fixing my awesome go-cart of a car right now, just like you have to do every month. I know it's annoying that there is something always wrong with it, but you are so patient and helpful about it.

Dear Mom,

Thanks for letting me vent to you sometimes, well I guess lots. It's just you're the only person who will listen, and then make me get over it quick. And you're the only blunt and honest person who will tell me to stop complaining! :) It's great.... You always make me think about what I should be grateful for instead.

Dear school,

I know I gossip about you a lot, and that I say really mean hatred things... and I am sorry, but there are some days that I really love you. Like today...

Dear Jordan,

Thank you for letting me fall asleep all the time at your apartment. I am sorry that on days I am exhausted I am no fun... like when I fall asleep during the office. I really do love that we are watching a whole season together. Thank you for introducing me to brownie batter, its my new favorite thing. I love you lots.

Dear Norah Jones,

I love you... that's all

A day full of goodness...

2010-10-05T00:10:00.000-07:00

As said in my previous post, insomnia is invading my life...So here I am in bed, at one in the morning with an early dance class Tuesday. I am exhausted, tired, and yet I am happier than ever. Because, today was simply delightful. After school I met up with the strapping young lad in the pictures above. We walked to his apartment from campus in the pouring rain (which was amazing because I love rain more than anything.) Then, boyfriend made me yummy soup, and we enjoyed an afternoon filled with laughter as we watched one of the best shows known to man, the office (thank you netflicks). Come night time, we enjoyed a wonderful evening filled with the music and humor of Kalai.... No not through a stereo, live! Sometimes with all the chaos and craziness of life, you need a good day like today to remind you why life is so good.

Top picture: John Mayer and Owl City concert

Bottom picture: Kalai concert tonight

A compilation of two weeks of thoughts...

2010-10-03T20:05:00.000-07:00

Time seems to be rushing by before my busy mind can even start thinking and grasping that concept! Today I realized that I am nearly 1/3 of the way done with college...I am a sophomore, and still feel like I am in my crazed days of the first month of being a freshman. It feels like yesterday, and yet it feels like a whole lifetime away, because in that small and quick amount of time, I have learned, grown and experienced so much. I love George Bernard Shaw's quote that, "Life isn't about finding yourself. It is about creating yourself." Because your whole life you grow each day, learn more and become a better person because of the life you have lived. There will never be a day that you find yourself, and are that same person you found until the day you die... Life is about creating yourself, and in creating yourself you find pieces of yourself that in the end create you!!! Does this make sense or are my thoughts completely tangled???

Sometimes I lay awake at night for hours with thoughts running at unimaginable speeds...It keeps me up for hours sometimes, no matter how tired I am. It can get quite frustrating, but its at those moments when my mind does its deepest thinking and, as my mom says, "my creative juices flow." I get these crazed concepts of life as I over analyze every aspect that came at me that day. And as I think of those concepts I start thinking of different paintings I could do that could represent the idea so much better than words. I don't paint anymore...like I used to in High School. I say I don't have time, but I do...I know I do. And because of that, there should be absolutely no excuse to me feeling envious of students walking around campus with a large art portfolio, its like they practically have a stamp on their four heads saying, "yes, I am creative, yes, I am an art student!" However, no more excuses for me not painting, because starting Saturday...I AM GOING TO GET PAID FOR PAINTING...and I am STOKED!!!

I get to major in MDT AND have an amazing job painting??

Life is so amazing, and God has blessed us with so many opportunities...

I am just taking every opportunity he is throwing at me right now and holding on to it as tight as I can. Have I mentioned yet that God threw at me the most amazing best friend in the world nearly 8 months ago?? Well He did... His name is Jordan, and I am completely in love... but that's a subject for another day! This post has gone on for far to long.

So today I feel like the little girl pictured above...

I feel blessed, happy, and at peace with my life. My life may not be perfect, I may not have my head on straight (which I get told by peoples faces every time I say I am a music dance theatre major), and no I have not found myself.... But I am finding new parts of me everyday, parts that I love, and parts that I need to change.

...And that's why i hate it when some people say they are not creative....EVERYONE is creative, because everyone wakes up everyday facing the world, themselves, and their challenges. There is nothing anyone can create that is more creative than a human being living their life to the fullest.

Picture courtesy of "pink wallpaper"

2010-09-13T21:21:00.001-07:00

2010-09-10T11:35:00.001-07:00

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours”

“Instead of thinking about what you're missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.”

“The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”

-Winston Churchill

"we are a species that keeps moving forward, seeing new sights in new ways, and enjoying the journey."

-Martha Beck

I decided late Wednesday night that my negative thinking and fearful heart were to get me NOWHERE in this world. So Thursday morning was the beginning of me dedicating the rest of my life to positive thinking and having faith in the Lord that everything in my life will turn out wonderful. Everything always turns out better than you could have ever imagined for yourself, so why do we always find ourselves scared of the future???

I was reading in D&C yesterday and it talked about how we need patience, faith, and hope in our lives. And if we have those qualities and keep the commandments, we will be exalted on high and we will be able to accomplish all that the Lord has set out for us to do.

Now, you hear it all the time ya know? But for me it was always something that came in one ear and then out the other. It is very much so that in trial you learn more, and can sculpt yourself into a better person than before. So, when I read this scripture it really motivated me....it was what I needed to realize at this specific time in my life.

It's only been two days, but can I just tell you how much I can already feel my life changing?

I know there are going to be really hard days, days that everything feels like its going wrong and it makes me not feel faithful in the Lord. But, those will be the days when I become a stronger person through enduring through it with a hopeful and faithful heart.

With true intent to have a change of heart, I believe that a person can change for the better within seconds. Happiness truly is a choice! Isn't it wonderful that we can choose that?

Do you have any experiences or realizations like this??? I would love to hear!

I hope you have a lovely weekend full of happiness! :)

photo courtesy of maryvrobinson.blogspot.com

The House that Built Me

2010-09-04T10:26:00.000-07:00

Please tell me you have heard Miranda Lamberts new song "The House That Built Me????"

It is truly brilliance... Rarely do I give out my "rockstar stamp of approval", but she gets one!

This song makes my mom and I cry every time we hear it...the song truly tells the story of me.

I have lived my whole life in this home that I love so much...

My dog that we had for 16 years is buried in the backyard, I learned to play guitar in my bedroom that is up the stairs in the back, my daddy built the house, and its the one place that can really bring me comfort.....this song can touch so many people.

I know most people hate country, but country is one of few genres of music that can actually touch the soul. That is what music is supposed to do, the lyrics should mean something real good...

God gave us such a wonderful gift, music..and it should be used in good ways.

I know they say you can’t go home again
I just had to come back one last time
Ma’am I know you don’t know me from Adam
But these handprints on the front steps are mine

Up those stairs in that little back bedroom
Is where I did my homework and I learned to play guitar
And I bet you didn’t know under that live oak
My favorite dog is buried in the yard

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could just come in I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me

Mama cut out pictures of houses for years
From Better Homes and Garden magazine
Plans were drawn and concrete poured
Nail by nail and board by board
Daddy gave life to mama’s dream

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could just come in I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me

You leave home, you move on and you do the best you can
I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could walk around I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me

and then school began...

2010-09-04T09:48:00.000-07:00

This Week has been CRAZY!!!

School started... (and may I suggest NOT going an entire summer without dancing and then returning to a dance class after months...my body is SORE!!!!)

Working with 4H (sewing and arts and crafts with elementary age kids)

John Mayer Concert (AMAZING)

Hollywood party (Since when did "cocktail party" become "dress as anti-classy as possible"?)

Master class from Brian Stokes Mitchell...(amazing Broadway performer and Tony award winner)

It has been so much fun. I am excited for the rest of the semester.

Lady

2010-08-31T09:48:00.000-07:00

Is she not just the most beautiful lady?

I recently read the book The Art and Power of Being a Lady...

Every rule and all the advice I read about made me think of the lovely Audrey.

Her talent and class is timeless.

Pooh Bear Backpacks to Diamond Rings...

2010-08-29T23:30:00.000-07:00

Tawni and Rob

For years growing up my best friend down the street and I would get really excited for the new school year approaching... Not for the homework or waking up early, but because we loved getting all our new back to school supplies and clothes. The night before school we would go to each others houses and show off to each other all our new clothing, backpacks, jewelry, and then decide on a similar outfit to wear for the first day back.

Tomorrow we go back to school after a summer like never before. Tonight, rather than her showing off her new school clothes, she showed off to me her wedding ring. My best friend is engaged!!! When she called me to tell me the news my first reaction was to cry. I am not sure why, because I am soooooooooo happy for her, but in a sense I knew for sure she was a goner. She has a new best friend now, someone she gets to spend eternity with, who will hold her hand through the good and the bad, someone who will come home from work every night and tell her he loves her more than anything or anyone in the world, she gets to wake up every morning to him and know that he is going to be the father of her children.... Things I could never do or be for her, he is going to do and be. He is such a lucky man to have her!

I think the tears were more for happiness than sadness... A realization that we are all grown up now. We don't spend hours everyday together watching Mary-Kate and Ashley movies, but strengthening the relationships we have with our boyfriends. This is a moment we have looked forward to for so long, and its happening now. I truly could not be happier for her. I can't even imagine the joy she must feel in her heart. Someday I will know the feeling and I can't wait for that.

It's a darned good thing God put love on this earth, because there is nothing that can even compare. The happiness that radiates from people in love spreads like crazy to the people around them, creating a world that is truly good.

eat. pray. love.

2010-08-16T09:17:00.000-07:00

Lets discuss this story.

Now, don't get me wrong... There are parts in the story that are very inspirational and the film was absolutely beautiful, i mean who could not want to go to Bali after seeing that?

But, the beginning of the story disturbs me, like to the point where I think about it a lot and kinda want to punch a wall or something. The book makes it seem a bit more rash. when she decides to leave her husband, her being super depressed and all, but still, it doesn't justify it at all!!!

Everywhere I go lately people are talking about Eat Pray Love...and most all the ladies that are married talk about how inspirational it was and how they feel the same way about their marriages and would love to just leave their husbands and go travel. Seriously???

Human beings do not take marriage serious these days. Nobody is making you get married, its your decision in the first place, and when you make that serious decision you better darned well be set on being with that person for forever. GO FIND YOURSELF BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED!!! It is so important.

So, she leaves her husband because she is miserable, right? But doesn't she seem super depressed and lonely until she finds love again at the end of the story in Bali..? Well, it shows the beginning of her relationship with the suave guy in Bali... Just about every relationship is bliss for a certain amount of time. But then you discover their faults, and things get harder...but that is when you truly make the CHOICE to love them still. Marriage is compromise, trust, and unselfish love. The women (liz), is never going to become happy unless she simply chooses to be by those three things.

One thing I did love from the film was to spend about 20 minutes a day either meditating, praying, scripture reading etc. and, live your life to the fullest. Those two things make the biggest difference in life... but you don't have to divorce your spouse to live your life to the fullest. Live life with them, and if for some reason you decided to marry someone who doesn't want to travel like you and your marriage depends on you traveling, then go travel with out them. If they are not willing to compromise and go travel with you sometimes then it is their own problem and it shouldn't hold you back. But divorce never makes things easier or better for anyone. (A year ago I would have said that nobody should EVER get divorced until we experience heart break in our family with someone being unfaithful. I finally was able to see first hand that some people are better off.) It is just her reasoning for leaving him that bothers me I guess...

Am I just a young girl in love and completely bias?

If anyone has insight I would love to hear it.

2010-08-10T21:59:00.000-07:00

“The aim of art is to represent not the outward appearance of things, but their inward significance.”

-Aristotle

2010-08-02T09:28:00.000-07:00

"Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in the world." ~ Lucille Ball

I have really discovered recently that respect for yourself is the key to happiness. When you love you, then you stop worrying about yourself and care for those around you. I have noticed as I have tried to reach out to people around me and brighten their day, it brightens mine as well. Everything comes back around to you, so if you are spreading negative energy about yourself and others, then you're going to quite often feel like (as my 9th grade sewing teacher would put it) a shmuck! YOU can make a big difference in the lives of those around you. But, you must respect yourself first. I don't care what you need to do to make it so you feel positive about yourself, just do it!!! This past year in school I have struggled a lot with my classical singing. I put so much negative energy into it that it made it so I had even more trouble learning how to sing that way. One day my voice teacher made me promise I would wake up every morning, look in the mirror, and say "I am a beautiful classical singer!"

I know it sounds so cliche, but it really did work... As I began to put a positive outlook on the singing I began to improve so much, and became a happier person because I wasn't always frustrated with myself.

LOVE yourself, and LOVE those around you as much as you love YOU!

2010-08-01T23:49:00.000-07:00

The ultimate measure of a person is not where they stand in moments of comfort and convenience, but where they stand in times of challenge and controversy.

-MLKJ

The Artist's Curse

2010-07-30T11:04:00.000-07:00

My whole life people would look at my mom with envious eyes and say to her, "you're so talented, I wish I could paint/sew/sing/(basically anything you can think of) like you." And she would say back, "No you don't!!!"

I never quite understood why my mom hated her creativity and talent until now. Our Family calls it "the artist's curse"... Because we realize how stupid we are choosing careers in the arts that earn us diddly. I have a father who chose to be an artist for a living. He has commuted to Salt Lake everyday for over 20 years to be graphic artist. And the first thing he does when he comes home is pick up a guitar. For years my mother worked as a scenic artist for movies (even worked on Dumb and Dumber.) My brothers and I grew up very happy. We never got all the cool new electronics or expensive new clothes that our friends and neighbors always had, but we had amazing parents that could teach us anything! And to us, that's all that mattered. Obviously to my brothers they didn't mind growing up that way, because now they are in school studying art as well. I spent this summer convinced that I was a practical person, and that I was going to switch majors. I even made a post a few months back declaring that I was indeed going to become a teacher. And part of me still likes the thought of that, but it's the artist curse in me...no matter what, we end up going back to what we know and love. My mind was made up to change, but my heart still lingered in my Music Dance Theatre major. (hence picture above...do i look happy to be on that stage or what?)

I am SO wishy washy.... I know... But this time of life is so scary because every decision you make can change your life. CURSE the artist curse and CURSE being indecisive!!!

I still wish I could get a letter in the mail telling me what to major in, who to marry, how many kids to have, where to live, what to say, who to be, what I should wear, what food to buy.....

I really want to major in MDT, but I also want to be practical and unselfish.

So, the moral of the story...

Don't ask me what I am majoring in. Because I have NO IDEA!!!!!

Farmers market

2010-07-25T21:00:00.000-07:00

Early Saturday morning I headed over to the Farmers market in downtown Salt Lake.

It was simply delightful. I spent hours shopping in the booths that have everything you can possibly imagine. I thought I was in heaven... jewelry, art, music, henna, vegetables, fresh flowers, food from every country...etc.

Not only was the shopping great, but the atmosphere as well. Every 15 (or so) feet are musicians with tip jars. Harp players, pianists (one with an extremely old antique piano), guitar players, singers, bangos..... the list goes on.

If anyone is in Salt lake this saturday I suggest going!

They have it EVERY saturday morning at pioneer park.

“Yes, we met a week ago…and he just put an expensive rock on my very important finger…”

2010-07-11T23:59:00.001-07:00

….seems to be a sentence spoken quite often here on BYU campus. Now, I know that love seems to be a subject that comes up quite often on this little blog of mine. It may be because it's all around me here at college and it may be because I am entering a time in my life when that's the one subject that seems to fit right into every Relief Society lesson. But let's be honest for a second, we all know that it's just because I am in love with love. I am that girly girl who sighs, smiles, and puts her hand over her heart with wet eyes when the hero and heroine finally kiss after a long dramatic movie, and the one whose Grandma finds and gives old Ensign magazines (from like, back when Abe Lincoln was assassinated) about love and marriage, simply because she knows I will actually read it and enjoy it.

Nobody can quite understand the insanity one must possess to agree to marry someone just after a short while of knowing them, until they have truly felt love. Some may say that they are jumping into marriage simply because of lust and infatuation, that falling in love takes time. But, as I have said before, love can be indescribably crazy.

Nobody can judge what someone else truly feels…all we can do is focus on what we feel, and try to keep true love in this world the best we can.

A wise man (Jeffery R. Holland) once said that it is important to know the difference between love and lust…

Love:

True love must include the idea of permanence. True love endures. True love you are absolutely giddy about, and shout it from the roof tops.

Love makes us reach out to God and other people.

Lust:

An unsavory word and topic.

It is known as the most deadly of the 7 deadly sins.

Defiles the highest and holiest relationship in mortality- (the love a man and a woman have for each other and their desire to bring children into that family intended forever.)

Lust changes…It's characterized by shame and stealth and is almost pathologically clandestine. It is anything but Godly and celebrates self-indulgence…It comes with an open appetite. It destroys and shakes the pillars of trust from which present or future love is built.

For me...I don't think I could commit myself to someone I don't really know. I move slower than most zoobies and often times become skeptical if they are really in love, or if they are just rushed to get married. But, I realized today that everyone feels different. Some people move faster than others, and for some love comes slowly and grows to be deeper than imaginable. I believe that love is a choice, and as time has gotten older, more people choose lust over love. These days its more common for marriages to fall apart, and families to become separated because of selfish desires.

Let's separate ourselves from materials and people that will cause us to be tempted with lust… Let's remember the olden days when love was classy and endured all things. Let's choose to make love last.

Today I am Grateful

2010-06-28T13:28:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up early to drive to my job in Salt Lake for the week. The kids I nanny were eager to go to Lagoon so i decided to drive my dads car up so that we wouldn't have to drive all the way to Farmington in my non-air conditioned go cart of a car. Just a few minutes away from my exit on the freeway it felt as if my tire popped. Scarred to death I began to pull over on the side of the road...but the car wouldn't stop...the car was shaking like crazy as my foot was slammed on the break. Finally the car came to a stop and I called my dad shaking. I got out to examine the car and discovered that the tire hadn't popped, and we concluded that maybe I had just ran over something. So, I got back into the car to start it and had an overwhelming feeling to get out and check the tire again. I got out and pushed on the tire, discovering that it was abnormally loose.

All the lug nuts had come off from holding the tire onto my car. About an hour later my dad showed up to help me in hopes of just screwing some lug nuts back on and off i'd go. But, as he jacked the car up the tire fell off and we saw that not only had the lug nuts come off, but the lugs (the screw thingys) had completely broken off. My dad then looked at me with amazement in his eyes that the tire didn't come flying off of my car. It was a miracle that nothing extreme happened. Thank goodness I am alright!!!

Fresh air

2010-06-23T16:51:00.000-07:00

Photo found on Oh Joy

Today I am thinking I must get out on a beach bike and ride around the neighborhood.

2010-06-22T14:05:00.000-07:00

Why I love you Dad...

2010-06-22T12:32:00.001-07:00

Because when I was young you tucked me in every single night. Telling me stories and singing me songs. And before you left the room you made sure my night light was on and that a cassette tape was playing softly.

Because you taught me to love music.

Because you taught me to never give up. If I ever wanted to accomplish something you supported me and helped me till I fished.

Because you showed me that all anybody needs is a desire to learn something and they can learn it.

Because you sit on the couch with me and play the guitar for hours while I nap.

Because when I come to our home ward you let me lean over during church while you rub my back.

Because you tell me you love me before you hang up the phone.

Because you taught me patience. (I still have a lot of work to do on this, but you set a good example.)

Because you unselfishly took care of you mother for what? 7ish years?

Because you would stay up all night long just to teach me all your painting techniques. Even if you had work the next morning.

Because you could probably be sponsored for fixing things. You can fix ANYTHING... If my car, camera, computer, or even heart breaks, you are there to fix it like a pro.

I love you so much. thank you for being you!!!

2010-06-21T14:53:00.000-07:00

Photos courtesy of ritzybee.typepad.com

2010-06-20T20:34:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up with a sore body and a billion bug bites... And ironically it felt good. It felt good being reminded that I spent a day outside surrounded by the beauty that God has put on this earth and enjoying using the body he has given me that is healthy and able to be active.

Yesterday the fam and Jordan woke up early and drove down to the San Rafael Swell to hike the Ding and Dang canyon. It was gorgeous, fun and challenging at times. Quite often we would reach a place in the canyon where the walls were straight up and down on the sides of you and then a large drop into water...So, we would straddle the canyon and inch by inch move across as our legs began to shake like crazy. We were in on the hike for hours, and once we were finished, I didn't want it to be. We reached the car and I wanted to start hiking it again. If you ever are bored on a beautiful summer day...get up and go do this hike. Its well worth your time!!!

The Girls With Glasses

2010-06-16T09:44:00.000-07:00

I Am A Girl - The Girls With Glasses Theme Song from The Girls With Glasses on Vimeo.

2010-06-15T16:10:00.000-07:00

"You never lose by loving. You only lose by holding back"

-Barbara de Angelis

Pictures courtesy of... happnstance.tumblr.com, bibbityboppityboo.tumblr.com, ohsobeautifulpapaer.tumblr.com, peacelovebellavita.

art.art.art.

2010-06-06T16:54:00.000-07:00

My brother just recently started an art blog. This is a picture he made. Check it out!

bradenwade.blogspot.com.

Climbing

2010-06-05T11:37:00.000-07:00

I recently have fallen in love with rock climbing!

I love being out in the beautiful world the Lord has created for us. On top of that the thrill is amazing. So, this summer I will be spending a lot of time enjoying a new found love.

2010-06-02T10:05:00.000-07:00

Everything is finally feeling like its falling into place.

I now feel like I know who I am in life. And that feels blissful.

Life really is so good.

I begin working as a full time nanny is Salt Lake City in three weeks and am so excited. This will be my 5th summer nannying for this family and we have had so many fun and creative times together.

When school begins I will then begin teaching 4H club at an Elementary school teaching sewing and arts and crafts. After a year of only focusing on Music Dance Theatre I am excited to get back into my creativity mode...and hopefully I will be able to now find time in my life to keep that mode with me always.

Its been really nice to have a break from school and work so that I could breath and have time to actually think about my life and future. Aside from teaching and maybe doing some community theatre here and there I can't stop dreaming of owning my own boutique. With all this time on my hands I have begun hand sewing a dress. With the unlimited amount of fabrics and patterns my mother owns I thought I might as well... and before this month is over I am going to start painting again. I let too much of what I love in life go for a year, burned myself out, and now am dying to just bury myself in arts and crafts. But, I do know with how I am I must always find a good balance of everything...or before you know it, if its possible, i will be burned out with art.

Life is too short to be unhappy. And happiness is a choice, so lets choose to be happy and take advantage of the wonderful things the Lord has given us in life. Lets spend more time with the people we love, and doing the things we love with those people.

Unknown path

2010-05-18T13:04:00.000-07:00

Lately I have felt somewhat lost and uncertain of how to get to where I want in life, simply because I finally realized I had to choose a path for my life. The scary part is not knowing if I will end up at that destination I choose. Will my decision be a detour just to teach me lessons in life and will that choice become a regret?

At this time in life especially, people have to take big leaps of faith and step into the dark trusting that what happens is for the best.

I recently read an amazing talk given at the LDS General Young Women Meeting titled, "Your Happily Ever After". Dieter F Uchtdorf explains that Heavenly Father has created a map for us, He knows the way, He is our beloved Father who seeks our good and happiness. The map is available to all. All you have to do is trust your Heavenly Father. Trust him enough to follow his plan.

So, after a lot of prayer, I realized that what I wanted for my future was not on the map that my Heavenly Father has for me. I finally trust that I will be a happier person doing what I know he wants me to do with my life. All I want in life is to do everything I can to make the people around me happy, and make a difference in their lives. I have decided to change my Major so that when I graduate I will be able to teach children, and make that difference. I feel a lot of comfort with my decision and am ready to take a step in the dark.

I am grateful that I have supportive friends and family. I know they are all here holding my hand as I take this step in my life and I wouldn't be able to do it with out them.

Sometimes the Lord has unimaginably better plans for your life than you could have ever predicted. I am happier than ever right now in my life, and a few months ago I never would have even imagined a human could feel this much happiness.

Yes, life is full of extremely hard obstacles (I know I have been there, and I know there are plenty more ahead of me). But, there are so many great things in life that make the hard times bare-able. This week I am challenging myself to focus on what I am grateful for in my life.

I am grateful for:

1. My parents. Their love, support, talents, and patience

2.My siblings. Nobody can make me laugh like my brothers. Their artistic and musical talents are unbelievable. I often feel unworthy to be in my family. And I love my sister more than she will ever know.

3. My best friends old and new). Tawni. Syd. Kate. Megan. Zach. Jordan.

4.My amazing new roommates.

5.The Gospel.

6.The police man that let me out of a ticket yesterday.

7.The beautiful flowers. mountains. trees. and nature in general.

8.The tandem bike that entertained Jord and I yesterday.

9.My grandparents. They are so giving, loving, and strong (even when ill. I found out yesterday my grandpa has cancer. I can't imagine life without his spirit. Pray for him.)

10.Disney movies.

11.Music. Guitar. Piano. etc..

12.Art. design. Handmade jewelry.

13.Photographs that capture great moments for memories.

14. Chocolate.

15.Laundry detergent.

16. Fruit.strawberries. pineapple. Mango. pomegranate.

17.Sunshine.

18.Books.

19.sleep.

20. my doggie. Even though he is gone, I often think about him. I still love him and am grateful for him.

This list could go on and on. What an amazing life I have been blessed with! We don't always know what it is around the bend in the road, but we know its whats best.

Anthro. does it for me again

2010-05-11T16:31:00.000-07:00

Ok, lets talk about the picture at the top...

Nothing would make me happier than that hammock/seat.

Don't you think? I good book, a glass of raspberry lemonade, and that seat.

Sounds like bliss to me!

Whoever invented that for Anthro. is quite genius.

Life as of Today

2010-05-07T18:23:00.000-07:00

Its interesting when you suddenly realize that the choices you are making are leading you into a life you simply do not desire, that the life you yearned for as a teen is no longer valid.

For years growing up I would tell my mom that I was going to be on Broadway, and all those years I worked hard, spending hours at rehearsals when my friends were out having fun, because I knew someday it would all be worth it. Finally, as a Senior in High School I made one of the biggest steps towards that goal, and I made it into the Music Dance Theatre major at Brigham Young University. I was ecstatic and so full of joy. What I didn't realize, was that all the hard work was not behind me, but soon to be endured. So, I went through the first semester of college and became an entirely different person because of the anxiety within the major. Many times I contemplated quiting, and switching to another major in hopes of finding the girl I used to be, the happy me. But, I would never be able to find me again, because quitting something is not me. I went into the second semester with a new attitude, and the smile came back. I was finally happy again, because I chose to be. I continued to pray to know if it was still the right major for me to be in, and received no answer. But, today things took a big turn.

I am now seriously considering switching into the Early Childhood Education Major, which means I would teach Preschool, first, second, or third grade. I know what you're thinking, completely different right? I know. I spent a while considering many other Majors like Nursing (too competitive), Fine Art(i might as well stay in MDT), Psychology(not too sure I could handle listening to peoples problems all day), Early Childhood Development(I love kids, not too competitive, and I can see myself really happy doing this).

But, then my mind goes back and forth. And then all the tears come, because after years of knowing without a doubt of what I was going to do, I now have no idea. I am scared and worried. So I think, "Maybe your just in a rough spot with MDT right now, keep going, get better at it, then see what you want to do." But then I think, "Ok, so I stay in the Major, I work super hard, and I get really good....alright....then what??? I am just really good at something. Because I no longer desire to move to NYC or LA to become some star. All I really want is to raise a family, and maybe sometimes do a show at the Hale. But, I don't have to major in MDT to do community theatre, I can just keep taking voice lessons and things would be fine. I would rather sit in a cafe playing my guitar and singing a beautiful but simple song anyways." But, then I always think about, "'What if I need to earn money to raise a family, or help provide money for my family, then I need an actual career." And thats when becoming a teacher fits in perfectly. And I know that I wouldn't be quitting, just choosing a different path for my life.

So, as of right now, I am weighing and contemplating the pro's and con's of each decision. I am no longer going to worry about it, but trust the Lord and continue praying about it. It's weird how your life can take a big turn when you least expected. Simply by my realization that in the end it doesn't matter how many big roles or solos you had in your life, but the difference you made in the lives of those around you. For me, I want to be mom who is there for her children, a mom that has the time to sit down and do a paint by numbers with them. I don't want to be living in New York coming home to an empty apartment.

Any thoughts?

Love

2010-05-01T10:17:00.001-07:00

Love:

The subject that keeps my roommate and I up way past our bedtime.

A Strong affection for someone or something.

The willingness to do anything for someone simply for their happiness.

An act of selflessness.

A smile because someone mentions their name.

Time rushing by when you're with that someone.

Unconditional.

Crazy.

Unexplainable.

Unpredible.

Incredible.

Love is what makes life worthwhile.

I can't wait until I can wake up every day happy because the man of my dreams, who I will be with for Eternity, is sleeping right next to me. Sometimes I wish I could just know when that is going to be, I wish I could look into the future and know who he is. It could be in 2 years, and it could even be in 10. But, then I wish that wish away, because the search and the journey towards finding that person can be so exciting, scary, but exciting…and so worth it.

"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him?Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried...you haven't lived."

-William Parish

Photos by: Gabriel Ryan

A lovely Day

2010-04-28T16:07:00.000-07:00

Today has been quite lovely. I am now oficially living with my best friend Tawni. We spent the day shopping, and sitting on the couch under blankets watching the rain outside our window. I hope you had a lovely day as well!

What the heck???

2010-04-21T21:28:00.000-07:00

WHAT???

Are these kids amazing or is it just me!?

Stuck On My Own Kind of Band aid Brand

2010-04-19T09:42:00.001-07:00

Do you remember being a little kid and wanting to put a band aid on EVERY little boo boo?

Somewhere in our heads we made a connection with band aids, that they would heal any wound.

I have always found music to be like a band aid to my soul. I never went through the band aid stage because I loved to show off my scabs and bruises. But, I constantly found myself trying to heal my hearts pain with music.

By the time I was about two, I developed an OCD with having music on while I fell asleep. Somewhere in the music of Les Miserables, Lion King, and even Cat Stevens, I was able to feel a peace about life. With-out that feeling of peace, my mind would wander and it would take me hours to fall asleep. To this day if I find myself with a lot of stress or anxiety I have trouble falling asleep, until I turn on music.

What a beautiful piece of heaven God has provided us with.

"I think music in itself is healing. It's an explosive expression of humanity. It's something we are all touched by. No matter what culture we're from, everyone loves music." -Billy Joel

picture: Clayton Austin

Live your life with faith

2010-04-18T21:59:00.001-07:00

Last night I learned to have faith. I learned to make my life an adventure, and to take chances.

Too often in life we settle for the "safe". But who wants to die knowing they never accomplished a lot, and nearly wasted their life simply because of fear. We need to put ourselves out there more, talk to strangers and make friends, travel the world, make a difference in the lives of those around us. Don't sell yourself short simply because you're afraid of getting hurt or rejected.

The most important thing I learned was to have faith in love. We may grow up in life falling in love and finding that love to fade, or falling in love with someone, and their love for you fades. These heartbreaks are hard, but we learn so much from them, we learn how to make the next better. For too long in my life I blocked people away from getting too close to me, because I was afraid of getting hurt. I told myself I didn't really need anybody in my life. I lied to myself for years, until I discovered that nobody truly wants to live a solitary life. I regret those lost years of being able to share love and learn lessons. There are so many different forms of love, and I can't wait until I find someone who I know without a doubt will love me unconditionally.

Thank you Tim Burton for a beautiful and brilliant movie!

photos from Google

Movie:Big Fish

Honoring our gifts

2010-04-16T13:50:00.001-07:00

I recently found this quote and began to think about how too often I compare myself to others.

When I begin to feel discouraged with myself, it's usually because I am looking at what someone has, that I don't.

Why do humans do that? I hate that I do that!

Each of us has our own gifts and talents in life that God has blessed us with. We need to spend more time thanking Him for those, rather than comparing what we don't have to those around us.

Yes, life can often be difficult. But, I am a very blessed girl. Let's all try a little bit harder to honor the gifts we have, because, life is good.

Hailey Josephine

Everybody needs one

2010-04-12T22:38:00.001-07:00

Today was just one of those days. We all have them, those days when it seems like even the butterflies are out to hurt you! And the culminating moment of horror was when my voice began to sing notes outside of the key to a song I have known my whole life. Not in the shower, may I add, yes, at an audition. Not to mention I sounded as if I had been smoking since the age of three because my body finally decided to get sick after many months of good health.

FLASHBACK…I am 12 years old, standing on the stage at the state pageant finals, humming. Yes, I said humming… I had completely spaced on the words, and stood there humming for the entire middle section of "Part of Your World."

So today, as I exit the audition room I began telling myself, "what am I doing? Am I honestly majoring in this? Is it too late to switch to family science? …man I suck at life!" But, after a talk with my mom, and some sugar I began to feel…well…at least not suicidal!

I continued through-out the day wallowing in self pity. Until my sweet friend Sydney sent a text telling me to read a post on her blog.

Reading it made me forget everything bad that had happened today, and as I read the post with my mom she turned to me and said, "Everybody needs a Syd in their life."

I couldn't agree with that more. Sydney always knows what to say when I am feeling sad, or angry. And there is nobody that can make me laugh like that girl!!! My goodness does she have a sense of humor. The older I get, the more I learn to appreciate the importance of good friends. Although she lives in Salt Lake, her friendship has stayed loyal, and has grown immensely. Everybody needs a friend they can completely be themselves around and know that at the end of the day they will still love you, even your faults. Through my hours of late night talks, movie nights, laying on the tramp harmonizing to hymns, balloon incident in the go-cart, and antique shopping I have truly discovered what friendship is.

This beautiful, creative, talented girl is so full of life and love! Her presence always brightens my days.

She is truly a gift from God.

Escape

2010-04-11T13:51:00.000-07:00

Everyone has their own ways of dealing with life and the hard things that blindside us on a regular basis. It may not be healthiest way to deal with pain and stress, but I enjoy escaping. I find ways to escape into another world through beautifully written stories, and I forget that my heart is acheing.
Someday I want a library full of books ranging from novels, biographies, and how to books.
I am grateful for great writers who have provided me with cheap therapy.
Reading is SO GOOD for the soul!

picture from Anthropologie

Looking at NOW!!!

2010-04-08T19:18:00.001-07:00

Do you ever find yourself looking back on small decisions you made in your life and wonder what would have happened if you had chosen the other?

Lately I have found myself reminiscing on my life and the small decisions I have made that I have led me to where I am today. Many times in life I have definitely made the worse of the two, but for some reason I don't regret that. Through those wrong decisions I have learned so much and have ended up where I am today. And can I just say… I am loving where I am today!!!??? Life is not perfect, of course, and the crappy things that happen help me see the good. But, life really is so amazing!

A friend recently taught me to not worry about the future and what's going to happen, but to love the moments I am living in right now. Of course we hear this our whole lives, but for me I have ALWAYS thought about the future. Well when this person said it, I really listened, thought about it, and tried to apply it to my life. Because of this, the past few weeks have been not nearly as stressful.

So listen to me for one second,

Lets live in the NOW, and decide to love the NOW. Because before you know it, you're going to be old and almost dead and wonder where you life went as you wished moments and days away. And because I am contradicting myself I will say this (and somewhat not truly mean it) I am no longer counting down the days till summer, because I am grateful for my education and the things I am learning…

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Photo by Sam Coldy

Little Letters

2010-04-07T20:13:00.001-07:00

Dear high school,

I would never go back. But, I slightly miss you and your dances.

Dear ballet,

Thank you for keeping me in shape this semester!

Dear David Archuleta,

You sang beautifully on Idol tonight. I honestly didn't think you could get any better. However, you proved me wrong.

Dear Sunshine,

Thank you for coming out at the end of the day. It felt glorious to lie on the grass under your rays.

Dear pomegranate Chap Stick,

I hate that I am addicted to you, but I am pretty sure I love you more than anything right now.

Dear American Heritage,

Your boringness and giving hailey headacheness is soon to be over with. This makes me happier than a pig in mud.

Dear cold mornings,

GO AWAY!!!

Dear Facebook,

You are a large waste of time!

Dear Pandora,

I hate that I run out of my 40 hour maximum listening before the end of the month…..but, I still loveth you!

Dear paints,

I wish you would find your way back into my life…pronto

Love,

Hailey Josephine

Soon to be entering into the days of the dreaded finals!

2010-03-31T22:01:00.000-07:00

If you know me at all I love to count down the days to any special event or holiday. Currently I am counting down 2 different days...

9 days left of school...
27 days left until I move out...

However, in between these two awaited days, are finals.
Out comes the nutter butters, late nights, pony tail hair, tired eyes, sweats, on the edge crankiness, and raspy voice from practicing my final songs and monologues way too much while not getting enough sleep.

April 21 will possibly be the greatest day of my college life...
DONE WITH FINALS, DONE WITH A YEAR OF SCHOOL, READY FOR A GREAT SUMMER!!!

Guitar lessons from dad

2010-03-28T18:35:00.000-07:00

I have recently been taking guitar lessons from my dad!! Every Sunday he teaches me a new song that I want to learn. I am not very good yet, but I am already just loving it and obsessing over playing. Whenever I sit down I pick up the guitar to play and just sing! I am so glad that i have such a talented dad that can teach me anything from throwing a football, painting, guitar, to music theory. Good thing he is patient :)
Last week I learned this song...

Any suggestions for this week???

Thank you Jane

2010-03-25T15:41:00.000-07:00

I have had a recent obsession with Jane Austin!
Her stories are so beautiful, and make for wonderful movies!
If you have not seen the Pride and Prejudice version with Keira Knightly, I highly suggest you change that!
If you don't enjoy Austin, then the cinematography and costumes are gorgeous enough to make you want to cuddle up in blankets on a rainy day with hot chocolate and watch it again!
Thank you for your brilliance Jane Austin!

A short thought for the day...

2010-03-24T22:28:00.000-07:00

"Be a first-rate version of yourself, not a second-rate version of someone else." ~ Judy Garland

He is Reachable Any Time Any Place

2010-03-15T20:26:00.000-07:00

“Access to our Creator through our Savior is surely one of the great privileges and blessings of our lives. I have learned from countless personal experiences that great is the power of prayer. No earthly authority can separate us from direct access to our Creator. There can never be a mechanical or electronic failure when we pray. There is no limit on the number of times or how long we can pray each day. There is no quota of how many needs we wish to pray for in each prayer. We do not need to go through secretaries or make an appointment to reach the throne of grace. He is reachable at any time and any place.”
James E. Faust

I love that I can pray whenever and where ever. When life gets hard, and when life is good. Lately, I have felt this overwhelming love for our Savior and Creator. Right now in my life I feel like I owe the Lord so much for the blessings he has given me in my life. He works in mysterious ways, and his timing is perfect. When trials come into our lives, the Lord does everything He can to help us through those trials. He never gives us anything we can't handle. I know that the people i have in my life right now are here for a reason, and they are truly all angels. The Lord has put them into my life to make my life as rich as it is, and I pray everyday that I too can be a blessing rather than a burden in their lives.

...Picture by Greg Olsen...

My BFF

2010-03-07T14:14:00.000-08:00

This weekend I randomly decided to move out.
I will be moving in with my very best friend, Tawni.

There is nobody else I would rather move in with,and I am excited to grow even closer to her than I am now.
Tawni and I grew up in the same neighborhood together. Besides my family, there is nobody that knows me as well as her. All through-out elementary school, the two of us were inseparable. She is the most amazing friend anybody could ask for...She is gorgeous, smart, and the most genuinely kind person I know. She cares so much for the people around her, and is that one friend I know I will be friends with til were old ladies. Her loyalty and Christ-like attributes are rare!
Oh how I love this girl!!!
I am so excited!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday...2nd day of a new month!!

2010-03-02T18:14:00.000-08:00

Today was a good day!!!
I attempted to try and have a better attitude with EVERYTHING!
I noticed a very large difference...
My private voice lesson went exceptionally well (especially for it being a classical lesson)! I decided to not let myself get discouraged, but instead try my best to learn from what the wonderful Korianne was teaching me. I left that lesson a better singer, and improved more in that lesson than I have in the past month!
I ended the day going to the temple to do baptisms, and once I was there I felt so happy. I couldn't keep a smile off my face and a temple worker even told me that I act as if a southern woman raised me! (apparently I am lady like??)
Like I mentioned in the post before, It's amazing what the difference of one choice can make.

A new month

2010-03-01T19:53:00.001-08:00

For me, February has been the hardest and yet the most spiritually maturing month of my life. When you least expect it to happen trials take over your life within the blink of an eye. While in the midst of going through those trials I wanted nothing more than to go back one month in my life and do everything I could to make it so that those events in my life wouldn't happen. In reality, there was nothing I could have done to change it. Now, I don't wish those trials to disappear...Instead I remember what I learned from them. It's interesting how much trials can either make you grow closer to the Lord, or push him farther away...and its all a choice. Through these trials I have not only grown closer to my father in heaven, but to my family here on earth as well. I am truly grateful for this experience!
Life is hard, and I have learned that happiness is a choice. Everyone goes through hard times in their lives because that is a part of life and its not our choice whether we have opposition or not. However, we have the choice of how we let things affect us.
This month is going to be a fresh start for me...and I am going to try harder to recognize the blessings in my life, rather than the faults. I am going to choose to be happy, and I am going to try to help those around me to be happy as well.

"Happiness consists not of having, but of being; not of possessing, but of enjoying. It is the warm glow of a heart at peace with itself...Man is the creator of his own happiness; it is the aroma of a life lived in harmony with high ideals.
- William George Jordan

MDT SHOWCASE

2010-02-25T22:20:00.000-08:00

This past week has been full of long hours of rehearsals for the MDT showcase at BYU!!!
I am so excited to perform for my first time at BYU!
It has been stressful, and time consuming...but once I get up there on that stage in front of an audience, it makes it all worth it!
What an amazing opportunity to be able to perform with such talented people.

COME SEE THE SHOW!!!
I promise you will leave having felt nearly every emotion.... happiness, sadness, amazement, ETC...You won't regret coming!!!

YUMM!!

2010-02-22T16:37:00.001-08:00

Today was my millionth attempt at being healthy this year!
I was doing pretty well... until my acting teacher brought our class PEANUT BUTTER FUDGE!!!
It was so delicious! And did I eat one piece? NO I ate the 2 biggest pieces i could find! And man was it worth it!!! :)

Bilbo

2010-02-18T12:57:00.000-08:00

Early this morning my parents woke me up to say goodbye to my doggie, Bilbo (or bubby as we called him). As I held his limp body in my arms, I knew without a doubt that his spirit was with our Heavenly Father and that he was no longer suffering in an old body. Bubby entered into our family when I was only 4 years old, and he has been my most loyal and loving friend since. Anytime he heard someone crying, he would run to their side and literally cry as well. From the window in my house I watched my Dad bury him in our backyard. I can't help but cry every time i think about him, but I am grateful to have had such a loving spirit in our home. He will be missed, and I cant wait to see him again!

Family

2010-02-13T15:26:00.000-08:00

This afternoon I spent awhile with my brother, mom, and dad, sitting on my parents bed laughing and talking. I felt like I was a little girl again spending time with my best friends, my family. Most people on the outside would think most all of us are different, but those who know us well, know that we are very much alike. People often say that I am the girl version of Brady, my brother! And that makes me smile... All of us love music, art, and frankly we spend WAY too much time on the internet or watching the History channel. All of us could live the rest of our lives living in the mountains in a small cabin, as long as we had guitars and paint, and we would be the happiest people alive. And today while we were talking we were laughing about how nerdy we are as a family. But these are the things that connect us, that make our love for each other so tight and loyal. There is NOTHING more important to me than my family. Thank goodness for eternity!!!

Journals

2010-02-06T13:46:00.000-08:00

My whole life I have kept journals, ranging from fuzzy diaries with locks, to journals with sketches (sometimes words aren't enough)!
But the one thing all my journals from my childhood have in common, is that they have only been written in half way through, and each entry jumps months rather than a day.
Recently, I have felt like writing in my journal is what keeps me going. Being able to write everything and anything you want or feel and not have to worry about trust is so refreshing. And now, my journals are written in cover to cover with events in my life that have made me who I am today. Its interesting how as you get older, life gets harder and harder and when you think you cant handle one more thing to go wrong, something always does. And yet, somehow everyone finds a way to get through those trials. For me, I am a crier, and I will cry about something and let it all out. I try to not let myself wallow for long, I find my own personal ways to, as my mom would say "buck up". And one of those ways is for me to write it in my journal!!! God never gives us something we can't handle! He provides ways for us to heal and grow from the experiences of life. Journals are a small thing to be grateful for, but they make such a large difference in my life.

Dear John

2010-02-02T17:27:00.000-08:00

You know those really good books that keep you turning each page without your mind wandering into thoughts of your own??
Well as of right now I am completely enveloped into Dear John. I am super excited to see the movie, but I always try to read the book first! :)
Nicholas Sparks always seems to fulfill my expectations.

The Greatest Motivator

2010-01-29T20:44:00.000-08:00

Some days are hard...and sometimes one bad day can result in your whole week somehow becoming difficult!
That was this week for me!
If you know me well, I am an extremely happy and content person...unless something quite dramatic happens....
Not one specific thing happened this week that made it bad, but I felt so melancholy... Even to the point that I couldn't motivate myself to get out of bed this morning to go to my Ballet class. As I rolled over in my bed I looked at my night stand and saw a book my mom bought for me a few years ago when I was going through some hard times... My mom always knows what to do to make me feel better! I wouldn't get out of bed until she said the two words "gateway", and "anthropologie"... We spent the whole day inside Anthro, and this book was one of the things we got... Its called "How Now" and the book has simple things to do each day that will motivate you, and help you to love and enjoy every minute of life!
There is one thing my mom and I have in common, a problem with buying books...and my mom is ALWAYS buying me uplifting, friendship, mother-daughter quote books! and thats just the beginning of why I love her...

My mom generally shows concern towards me when I get down by saying, "Hailey do I need to put you on xanax? and just by her saying that makes me snap out of it! My mother can quite often be blunt, and sometimes people cant handle it, some love it...which results in her nickname "Nutty Nettie"!!!
For me? I don't think my life would have EVER been as rich without her.
My Mom is the only person I can talk to about anything for hours, and she wont get annoyed or even try to change the subject to problems in her life...She just lets me talk for hours, and somehow comes up with advice I never could have. My Mom understands me, and loves me unconditionally. Sometimes I feel so lucky!
Almost every Saturday I wake up, lay in bed and read! I am someone who HATES wasting days getting nothing done, but sometimes I get lost in a story and don't even realize what time it is. Somehow my Mom always ends up calling me from the other room, and makes me kick start the rest of the day watching a movie with her. I am 19, in college, and I live with my parents... Some would dread that fact, but I truly love it! I grew up with my Mom working and going to school full time, and an amazing Dad who worked, and had to take care of his ill mother for 8 years in Salt Lake three night a week. I never really got to spend a lot of time with my parents, I was always with my best friend Tawni, or at rehearsal for a show! So, I never really got to appreciate and know my parents. But, now I look back on my life and realize the amazing gift God gave me to have such an amazing family.
My mom spent hours when I was a little girl making sets and costumes so that I could take dance classes, and every time I have wanted to do something she has supported me...even if she hated the idea of me doing a pageant, she would spend sleepless nights sewing me beautiful gowns! When I opened my letter for acceptance into MDT, my mom was by my side screaming and jumping up and down with me, when I had my first heart break she was the one I cried to! Almost every moment in my life that has made me who I am today, has her in it! Sometimes my mom passes me notes in Sacrament meeting that says something like, "I am grateful for your example and to have you as a daughter!" But what my mom doesn't realize, and what I don't tell her enough, is that I feel the same way about her!

What I call Talent...

2010-01-21T18:48:00.001-08:00

This little girls name is Connie Talbot, and she is only 6 years old!!!
Listen to her sing this song, it is so adorable!
She got 2nd place on Britain's Got Talent...and I can see why! Her pitch is really good for a 6 year old. I hope I have cute kids like this!

My Pollyanna Day

2010-01-20T17:42:00.000-08:00

This morning I woke up to the sound of birds singing for the first time this year!
This instantly made me happy, which resulted in my whole day being wonderful. I don't know what it is exactly, but that i guess its just...that sound made me realize that spring is the next season!
Spring has always been my favorite season because it rains a lot, flowers start blooming, the air smells fresh, I can finally start hiking again, colors are bright and happy, and EASTER!!! I love easter...I love being reminded of Christs resurrection and I start thinking about when I will be resurrected! I will be so full of happiness as I stand near my eternal companion...
So my day became a Pollyanna day, which is great..,because ALL my thoughts were happy and positive all day! I started thinking about how tons of my friends are starting to come home from their missions, and how lucky I am to be going to such an amazing University, and how I am living my dream being in MDT, and my mind thought about each of my friends and the influence that they have been on my life and how grateful i am for them!
How was your day?

Amazing Artist

2010-01-18T19:41:00.000-08:00

This 24 year old woman won Ukraine's Got Talent!
Her art work depicts the affects of The Great Patriotic War, as WW2 is called in Ukraine, resulted in 1/4 of the population being killed.

Saturdays are the best!

2010-01-17T15:13:00.000-08:00

My saturday morning began with my wonderful parents taking me to the IMAX theatre in Salt Lake to see AVATAR in 3D!!! I usually refuse to see anything 3D (Unless I am in Disneyland) but this film was incredible!!! One of the most artistically beautiful films i have ever seen! Don't you agree?

2010-01-17T15:08:00.000-08:00

Then, I spent Saturday night with this beautiful group of girlfriends!!! I feel so lucky to have friends like them!

Love at first site

2010-01-16T08:56:00.000-08:00

Today I fell in love with dress from anthropologie!!!
Sometimes I think about what it would be like to just drop out of college, and just create, design and sew clothes all the time! :)

Comfort in Life

2010-01-10T18:55:00.000-08:00

Lately I have felt an overwhelming feeling of gratefulness for my Heavenly Father, and Jesus Christ. Today in my primary class, I taught the kids about Heavenly Father's plan for all of us, and why he chose Jesus to be our Savior! I am so grateful for free agency and for the atonement. As much as I wish to be perfect, I know thats something that will never happen here on earth, but to know that I can be forgiven for the mistakes I make...ah...its so comforting. I can't wait to return home to my Father in heaven with his arms open wide ready to embrace me, and comfort me. Sometimes i wish I could take off in an airplane and fly around to every Country so that I could teach every person on the earth the Gospel. I cant't imagine going through trials without knowing that there is a God, who loves me and wants the best for me. What brings you comfort?

A Fresh Start

2010-01-09T14:55:00.000-08:00

Monday I started my second semester as a Freshman at BYU!

It finally is becoming what I imagined College to be like... and I am loving it...all of it... From my simple ballet class, voice with the amazing Gayle Lockwood, intense laughing in acting, to debating about anarchy in American Heritage! I am so grateful to be going to such an amazing University, to be able to work with such an amazing MDT faculty, and making life long friends!!!